Should Mom be living alone?

However healthy your Mom is, if she is living alone, she needs to care for herself and her well-being. When you and your Mom disagree about whether this is happening, a neutral third-party tool helps settle the question.

The Lawton Instrumental Activities of Daily Living Scale (ADL) is designed to rate Mom’s ability to:

  • Use the telephone
  • Shop
  • Prepare food
  • Do Housekeeping
  • Do Laundry
  • Obtain transportation
  • Be responsible for own medications
  • Handle finances

The Lawton Instrumental Activities of Daily Living Scale (ADL) gives you clarity around whether Mom needs additional support to get through a normal day.

If you are reading this before Mom experiences a serious health event (such as a stroke or a serious infection) commit to working through this assessment together every six months. This discipline gives you and your Mom the chance to track her changes over time. It also exercises your relationship muscles by starting regular conversations about life-changing and emotionally charged topics before an urgent decision needs to be made.

If you determine that Mom’s abilities are at the point where she needs support in order to live at home, the time has come to discuss next steps.

What considerations factor into Mom’s next living arrangement?

  • What does Mom want?

    Most older adults want to age in place by continuing to live at home. Is this what Mom wants? If so, what supports will Mom need to live a safe, healthy life? Will Mom welcome these resources into her home?

  • Care

    What level of care does Mom need now? How quickly is her condition accelerating?

  • Cost

    What financial resources are needed? Where will they come from?

  • Convenience to friends & family

    Does family intend to visit? If so, will Mom’s new living arrangement be convenient for family visits? Would being located near friends provide more emotional connection than locating near family?

Who gets a vote?

Who gets a vote on Mom’s next living arrangement? How will votes be weighed? Does Mom’s vote count? Do the votes of adult children / family members count? Does anyone else get a vote? If so, who?

Does the vote of the adult child footing the bills count the same as the vote of the adult child providing the most care? Do all adult children get a vote or only the adult children who have been involved in care?


Search engines give the impression that someone living with dementia either lives at home or in a skilled nursing home. In truth, there are a range of care alternatives that may be successful depending on the unique factors of each situation.

Contact your local Area Agency on Aging for resources near you.


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