Invite visitors two at a time

YOUR PARENTS, THEIR ALZHEIMER’S AND THEIR FRIENDS


“We had a great day yesterday.”

I can literally hear Dad’s smile over the telephone.

 “Kay and Jo came over,” he continued. “Kay visited with Mom.  They laughed and laughed.”

“And Jo?” I ask.

“Jo and I worked in my office, getting the prescription refills figured out.”

This last comment pokes at my curiosity. “What was up with the refills?”

“Oh nothing,” he replies.  “I just have so many bottles of some of these medicines in the closet.  I mean, why on earth would I need three months of Omeprazole at one time?  That’s nuts.  Anyway, Jo talked to the pharmacy and helped me get it all straightened out.”

“Well,” I begin, intending to explain (yet again) the 90-day refill policy used by today’s mail-order pharmacies.  Then I stop myself for a breath.  I remind myself that Dad sounds happy.  Relieved.  Calm.

I change directions. “So is there anything else I can do to help with that?”

“Nope, we’re all set now.  Oh, and best of all, they brought lunch and even left me with some dinners for the week!”

Mom and Dad’s friends are both nurses.  They have a lot of history with my parents, and a lot of experience helping people traverse the Alzheimer’s journey.  This was another chance for me to watch and learn from their expertise.  To witness how two strategic visitors at one time can “divide and conquer,” providing an opportunity for the Alzheimer’s Caregiver to get something else important done.

Have you tried the “two-on-two match-up” approach to create some uniquely powerful support for both your Alzheimer’s Loved One and the Alzheimer’s Caregiver?  If not, who in their life (or yours) could you recruit onto this all-important special team?

Walkin’ After Midnight

ALZHEIMER’S, YOUR PARENTS AND WANDERING


“Can I help you find something?” my husband Randy asks Mom as she comes out of our guest room and starts down the dark hall.

The clock on the wall reads 12:14 AM. Mom shuffles on straight ahead.

Randy rises from the couch and calls again to Mom across the kitchen. “Chris? Do you need something?”

Mom continues on her way.

Randy dashes through the living room to intercept her. He meets her at the front door.

Mom’s eyes are wide, frightened, lost.  She tries the doorknob.

“Chris, your room is this way,” Randy says, gently redirecting her back toward the guest room. And back she goes.

The next morning, we query Dad about Mom’s wandering. His response?  Mom has yet to ever wander.  So we present last night’s evidence to Dad: Dad’s sound sleep; Randy’s eyewitness testimony; Mom testing the door knob.  But the facts fall on deaf ears. Dad dismisses the evidence as circumstantial.

Case dismissed.

Sophocles wrote in Antigone, “No one loves the messenger who brings bad news.” This is as true today as it was then. 

How are you managing your role as the bearer of unwelcome news?  For Alzheimer’s Kids who are also people-pleasers (like me), this can require triple measures of effort.  What effect is this role having on your relationship with the Alzheimer’s Caregiver in your life?